You Can Do More Than You Think

There is no man living who isn’t capable of doing more than he thinks he can do Henry Ford

“If you’re going to doubt something, doubt your own limits.” -Don Ward

There’s a Saturday Night Live sketch that features Kenan Thompson as a middle school student with a broken knee. Scarlett Johansson and his other classmates repeatedly convince him to attempt walking, quoting a teacher who frequently lectures on the power of positive thinking. Despite their promises that anything is possible, he repeatedly falls flat on his face.

I loved this sketch, not because of some schadenfreude-induced need to see children crying. I love it because it reminds me of the many times I’ve seen comments on blog posts about possibilities, where people cite things that are obviously not possible.

While we can do a lot in life, running on a leg that you just broke is not (currently) medically possible. Flapping your arms and flying like a bird is just not possible. Turning your horse into a unicorn is just not possible. And switching bodies with your best friend, though commonly seen in movies, is just not possible.

Now that we got that out of the way, we can focus on the many difficult things that are, in fact, possible, despite what people once thought.

It is possible to run a 4-minute mile. It is possible to fly a heavier-than-air plane. It is possible for a person to walk on the moon. It is possible to perform a full-face transplant. It is possible for an African American man to become the President of the United States.

People do “impossible” things every day. If we believe in ourselves and take smart risks, we can, too.

You might not be able to leave your job tomorrow, but you can discover your passion and start a business. You may not be able to win a Webby Award tomorrow, but you can create a site that makes a difference in the world. You might not be able to change that you have a physical limitation, but you can find a way to empower yourself because of it, not in spite of it.

Today if you find yourself dwelling on what’s possible, remind yourself: You can do more than you think if you’re willing to stop making excuses and start testing your limits.

Today’s article was written by Lori Deschene. Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Today’s article was shared from the following website: https://tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-you-can-do-more-than-you-think/

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This is how gossip destroys relationships! (and 7 ways to put a FULL STOP to it)

Gossip: A weed watered by words Soul Dancer

“We are not gossiping, we are just networking!” – If you are discussing the negative information about others in their absence, you are already gossiping.

Gossip brings serious irreversible damages to relationships! We all might have been involved in ‘gossip’, in one way or the other, and we all have once been a victim of it. In this post, I would like to share with you what I learned about how gossip adversely affects personal relationships and how to put a full stop when someone starts gossip!

I have observed families being broken, relationships getting affected, and communities being destroyed, all because of  ‘few words’, which were conveyed by someone, which were not completely true.

Before proceeding, let me give you the proper definition of gossip so that you can check for yourself whether you are involved in any type of gossip or had been a victim of it.

Gossip is the casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details which are not confirmed as true. [Oxford Dictionary]

Here is a simple definition, (restructured into simple words)

If you have ever involved in a conversation, where the topic is about some information about another person, in his/her absence, which are not confirmed as truth, then you have already taken part in gossiping.

I will give you a scenario:

There were three people, lets say, Person A, Person B and Person C. A and B are good frienABCds. B and C were good friends, but now they were not in good terms. A doesn’t know C personally.

A and B started a conversation in the absence of C. A and B started talking, and after some time they started to speak about C. Even though, they started discussing the positive things of Person C, B unintentionally shared some of the ‘negative things’ of C, to his friend A. Person A believed this report. Person A was curious to know more and the conversation became intense and both of them started to discuss more about C. Most of the things B shared about C were not fully true, as B had a grudge towards C.

Suddenly Person C comes and joins A and B. A and B started to act as if they were discussing something else.  

Now just imagine, how would the conversation proceed? A had already got a negative impression about C, from his friend B. Even if C tries to build a good relationship with A, as long as A has the ‘wrong information about C’ in his mind, it would be very difficult for the relationship to be genuine and strong. Isn’t it?

This is how relationships are adversely affected.

So, what is gossip? With regard to personal relationships, it is a conversation about any information, about a third person, which is mostly not confirmed to be true.

Gossip is like a ‘forest fire’

Once affected, it is impossible to revert the damage caused by it.

There is a story that is often told about the dangers of gossip. One version tells that a woman spreads untruths about a neighbor in her village. When she wants to make amends, she approaches an elder in the community, tells him how sorry she is, and asks what she can do to apologize. He brings her to the top of a hill on a windy day with a pillowcase full of feathers. He instructs her to open the pillowcase, and the feathers fly everywhere. He then asks her to collect the far-flung feathers. She protests, saying that it is impossible to track down each feather. He responds that so too is it impossible to undo the damage that gossip causes, for each piece of gossip told catches the wind and travels far, just like the feathers.

Let us see what the Bible tells about the power of the tongue

the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. James 3: 5-8 [NIV]

  • The tongue is a small part of the body but it can greatly boast
  • The tongue is a fire, and it can cause great damage like a forest fire
  • It is very difficult to tame the tongue
  • It is full of deadly poison

Therefore, we need to be careful about using our ‘tongue’. If you can control your tongue, you can control your whole life.

Now is YOUR turn – You can either quench the fire!! or pour fuel into it and spread the fire!!

Your choice!

7 simple ways to put a FULL STOP to gossip.

Nobody ever starts the gossip intentionally. It mostly happens in the daily conversations even without we being aware of it. Here, are some simple things to consider, to escape from the deadly poison of gossip. (Mostly to be applied in personal relationships)

1. Never ‘believe’ the facts about a third person without proper evidence

Even, if the facts that were given to you, is by a trustworthy person, make it a habit not to quickly believe it, without considering the evidence/facts. If you clearly set this principle in your mind, then you can be sure that you will not be easily pulled into gossiping.

2. Never believe ‘half-truths’

Some facts may seem to be true but are half-truths. Half-truths are whole lies!

Example: Jack and Bobby are brothers. Jack tells his mother, “Bobby hit me”. Mother immediately punishes Bobby. Bobby starts to cry. The truth was that Jack hit Bobby first, and they both fought among each other. But, in order to escape the punishment of his mother, Jack ran towards his mother and complained to her about Bobby, before Bobby could ever tell her. 

Here, what Jack told is ‘truth’, but was a ‘half-truth’. The mother took the wrong action, because she didn’t take time to inquire from Bobby on what happened.

Therefore, never take action on hearing half-truths. Listen to all the parties involved, before jumping to a conclusion.

3. Learn to stop a conversation when it turns into gossip

Listening eagerly to a gossip is also equivalent to gossiping. Therefore, if you observe that, the conversation you are involved with, is shifting to ‘gossip’, gently and politely decline or change the topic. This is how you put a full stop to gossip.

Gossip kills three people: the one who speaks it, the one who listens, and the one about whom it is spoken – unknown

4. If a person gossips about another person to you, remember he/she will gossip about you TOO

This is a simple check to test whether a person is trustworthy. The one who gossips to you cannot be trusted. Therefore refuse to share your secrets or confidential matters with such a person.

5. Never ever spread a negative information about another person

Even if you know that it is the truth, you need not share it with others. It will spoil his/her reputation. Spreading negative information about others will make yourself a less trustworthy person. (Refer the previous point). Speaking evil about others is a negative personality trait.

6. Try to find the positive in others

The next importing thing is to train yourself to find the good in others. Even though someone told wrong about that person, still he has some good in him. Find those and appreciate it. Therefore, whenever someone gossips to you about that person, you can change the conversation by discussing the good about him. Isn’t a good idea?

7. Always remember this warning – You are responsible for your words

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. Matt 12:36, 37

Therefore, if you have already fallen into this great sin of gossip, it is high time to feel sorry about it, and request God to forgive. God is merciful and will forgive your mistakes. Also, only God can heal the damages caused by gossip.

Here is a self-checklist

  1. Am I quick to believe the negative reports of someone I do not know?
  2. Did I ever spread a wrong information?
  3. Will I be curious to know the personal private facts of others?
  4. Will I encourage someone who gossips to me?
  5. Am I quick to judge others based on the information I received?
  6. Do I seek information from all parties before believing the report?

These are some of the questions you can ask yourselves. If you have ever been involved in gossip, you will never know how much damage it may cause to the various relationships you are involved with.

Here is a simple prayer

Father, knowingly or unknowingly I have believed the wrong reports about others. I am sorry for it. I chose not to believe it. Help me not to be interested in the negative things of others. Help me to put a stop to gossip next time someone starts it. Give me the boldness to discourage such conversations. Help me to build relationships and not to destroy it. Help me to recognize the traps set by people to pull me into unwanted conversations. Please help me to bring glory to you, by properly taming my ears and tongue. Help me to bring glory to you. Thank you, Jesus, for hearing my prayer. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Today’s article was written by Donny Thomas Kurien and is shared from the following website: http://hisvoiceonline.com/gossip-destroys-relationships/

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Find Your Purpose!

Follow your dreams, silhouette of man at sunset

You may think that your life is nothing special. I can tell you that there is not

a person on earth who is not meant to manifest a wonderful and profound life.

There are no exceptions. You might think that you forgot to get into the talented

gifted line but the truth is that no mistakes were made in heaven as we prepared

and planned for our lives here on earth. That is the nature of heaven – order and

perfection. We all have a unique but profound life that we have been born to live.

What are your passions? What gift(s) are your meant to leave the world? In what

way are you meant to bless the world in which we live? As you find, identify and

develop your gifts, you will find the greatest joy that is possible to experience

iIn this life. You were not born to be a nobody – you were born to be a mortal

version of the special you that existed in heaven prior to your birth. I hope that

you will share your gifts with the world and realize a life of promise that is meant

to be yours!

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He That is Greatest Among You…Giving Service

He that is Greatest among you shall be your Servant Matthew 23:11When I think of the Savior of us all, I think of all his abilities, all of his intelligence and all of his service.

His, was an amazing example of the one with the most serving those with the least.

Having had a near-death experience, I know like few others do, the total and complete perfection of our Savior. I know that he could have delivered himself out of the hands of his persecutors and yet he didn’t. Mortality makes it really difficult for most of us to comprehend just how much has been done for us through the atonement of Jesus Christ and his perfection.

Ego, desire for power and selfishness distance us from our Savior and our Creator. I know how much they love us. I also know that overcoming the “man” in ourselves results in priceless joy.

We may have power, prestige, and possessions but if we don’t know how to love or care or serve, life is truly empty and void of joy.

I love today’s story. I believe it is a great reminder to us all that service can come from anywhere at any time – and that service is a priceless gift to both the giver and the receiver! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Today You, Tomorrow Me

During this past year I’ve had three instances of car trouble: a blowout on a freeway, a bunch of blown fuses and an out-of-gas situation. They all happened while I was driving other people’s cars, which for some reason makes it worse on an emotional level. And on a practical level as well, what with the fact that I carry things like a jack and extra fuses in my own car, and know enough not to park on a steep incline with less than a gallon of fuel.

Each time, when these things happened, I was disgusted with the way people didn’t bother to help. I was stuck on the side of the freeway hoping my friend’s roadside service would show, just watching tow trucks cruise past me. The people at the gas stations where I asked for a gas can told me that they couldn’t lend them out “for safety reasons,” but that I could buy a really crappy one-gallon can, with no cap, for $15. It was enough to make me say stuff like “this country is going to hell in a hand basket,” which I actually said.

But you know who came to my rescue all three times? Immigrants. Mexican immigrants. None of them spoke any English.

One of those guys stopped to help me with the blowout even though he had his whole family of four in tow. I was on the side of the road for close to three hours with my friend’s big Jeep. I put signs in the windows, big signs that said, “NEED A JACK,” and offered money. Nothing. Right as I was about to give up and start hitching, a van pulled over, and the guy bounded out.

He sized up the situation and called for his daughter, who spoke English. He conveyed through her that he had a jack but that it was too small for the Jeep, so we would need to brace it. Then he got a saw from the van and cut a section out of a big log on the side of the road. We rolled it over, put his jack on top and we were in business.

I started taking the wheel off, and then, if you can believe it, I broke his tire iron. It was one of those collapsible ones, and I wasn’t careful, and I snapped the head clean off.

No worries: he ran to the van and handed it to his wife, and she was gone in a flash down the road to buy a new tire iron. She was back in 15 minutes. We finished the job with a little sweat and cussing (the log started to give), and I was a very happy man.

The two of us were filthy and sweaty. His wife produced a large water jug for us to wash our hands in. I tried to put a 20 in the man’s hand, but he wouldn’t take it, so instead I went up to the van and gave it to his wife as quietly as I could. I thanked them up one side and down the other. I asked the little girl where they lived, thinking maybe I’d send them a gift for being so awesome. She said they lived in Mexico. They were in Oregon so Mommy and Daddy could pick cherries for the next few weeks. Then they were going to pick peaches, then go back home.

After I said my goodbyes and started walking back to the Jeep, the girl called out and asked if I’d had lunch. When I told her no, she ran up and handed me a tamale.

This family, undoubtedly poorer than just about everyone else on that stretch of highway, working on a seasonal basis where time is money, took a couple of hours out of their day to help a strange guy on the side of the road while people in tow trucks were just passing him by.

But we weren’t done yet. I thanked them again and walked back to my car and opened the foil on the tamale (I was starving by this point), and what did I find inside? My $20 bill! I whirled around and ran to the van and the guy rolled down his window. He saw the $20 in my hand and just started shaking his head no. All I could think to say was, “Por favor, por favor, por favor,” with my hands out. The guy just smiled and, with what looked like great concentration, said in English: “Today you, tomorrow me.”

Then he rolled up his window and drove away, with his daughter waving to me from the back. I sat in my car eating the best tamale I’ve ever had, and I just started to cry. It had been a rough year; nothing seemed to break my way. This was so out of left field I just couldn’t handle it.

In the several months since then I’ve changed a couple of tires, given a few rides to gas stations and once drove 50 miles out of my way to get a girl to an airport. I won’t accept money. But every time I’m able to help, I feel as if I’m putting something in the bank.

Originally by Justin Horner, posted Mar 10, 2011 [From a post on reddit.com and re-published in NY Times.]

Story shared from the following website: http://www.kindspring.org/story/view.php?sid=25237

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3 Reasons to Give People the Benefit of the Doubt

Respond; don’t react Listen; don’t talk Think; don’t assume Raji Lukkoor

Never trust people blindly, but I believe it’s better to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than be cynical about everyone and everything people do. If you don’t really know someone, you should assume they are a good person until proven otherwise.

Of course, there are bad people out there who only do selfish things and don’t care about anyone else’s well-being – those people really do exist. But it’s important to recognize that they are a minority, and most people just want to enjoy life and be happy, even if they don’t always know the best way of doing it.

If you have a strong reason or evidence to believe someone is a bad and selfish person, then be cautious around them or don’t interact with them at all. Save yourself from the trouble. But for everyone else, try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are good people, even when they make mistakes or do terrible things.

At the end of the day, it’ll work out more in your favor because it’s better to give people the benefit of the doubt and only be disappointed every now and then, rather than be cynical about everyone and be hurt 100% of the time

This is because it’s very hard to connect with anyone if you’re always skeptical and cynical of them.

Approaching life with this attitude is ultimately a lose-lose situation. You become excessively anxious and paranoid – and thus you’re always “on guard” that someone is going to hurt you. It creates a kind of mean world syndrome.

Here are good reasons you should try harder to give people the benefit of the doubt:

1) We have a tendency to overestimate internal vs. external factors when observing other people’s actions

When someone makes a mistake or does something we find terrible, we have a tendency to believe this is caused by their individual personality and not their situation.

This is known in psychology as the fundamental attribution error. To overcome this bias, we need to honestly ask ourselves:

  • “If I was in this person’s shoes, with their knowledge and experiences, would I act much differently?”
  • “What environmental factors may have influenced this person’s actions which I may not have been aware of?”
  • “Would most people behave this way if they were in a similar situation?”

Practicing empathy through a technique known as perspective-taking can help you answer these questions and improve your ability to understand why people may act the way they do.

When taking other people’s perspective into consideration, you accept that there are factors that may have influenced their behavior that you probably weren’t completely aware of. By doing this, you learn to more easily give people the benefit of the doubt.


2) Our beliefs about people can create a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy

In many ways our beliefs and expectations about the world can become a positive feedback loop for the results we get in life – this is especially true for our relationships.

You go into a social interaction expecting a person to be a certain way, and you thus act in ways that make that expectation become a reality.

For example, you hear that someone is a bitter and selfish person, so you go into the interaction already being closed off and guarded. Then the person reciprocates that emotional distance, and you conclude, “You see? That person is a bitter and selfish person.” But maybe they would’ve acted differently if you went into the interaction without that prejudice.

Our social lives are abundant with this kind of self-fulfilling beliefs – both positive and negative. This is why giving people the benefit of the doubt is an effective way to reverse the self-perpetuating cycle of cynicism. You’d be surprised how much you can change about your relationships once you first change your beliefs and expectations about yourself and others.

3) It teaches us how to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes

Making it a habit to give other people the benefit of the doubt allows you to give yourself the benefit of the doubt as well.

In my article how to completely forgive yourself, I cover the importance of forgiving others and being understanding other people’s behaviors, even when we don’t always agree with them. This door toward forgiving others is often the same door toward being more forgiving of ourselves.

This is because when we don’t give people the benefit of the doubt, we are often forced to hold our own actions to a higher standard than others. Or, even worse, we have to deal with our own hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance when we make similar mistakes and try to justify them.

Being gentler in your judgments toward others allows you to be gentler in your judgments toward yourself. Try to focus more on understanding someone and their actions, rather than labeling them as an inherently bad and negative person.

Today’s article was written by Steven Handel and is shared from the following website: https://www.theemotionmachine.com/3-reasons-to-give-people-the-benefit-of-the-doubt/

 

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